How can parents help?

Many young adults like the life they’ve been leading at home with their parents and believe that achieving a similar quality of life on their own will take a long time. In many ways, they’re right! 

The cost of living continues to rise faster than wages in many areas – essentials like housing, healthcare, and transportation add up fast. Economic uncertainties create understandable anxieties about the future and may trigger the inclination four young adults to stay put. 

To make things harder, young adults face pressure to maintain certain lifestyle standards portrayed on social media. The desire to present in a certain way may lead to impulse spending and difficulty prioritizing long-term financial goals over immediate gratification.

Supporting adult children as they transition to independence requires a delicate balance of guidance and autonomy. As a parent, you know your young adult best. To support your child, try thinking about what they need to feel confident and curious enough to take necessary steps toward autonomy. Below are a few ideas that may help you assist without overstepping boundaries.

What can I do?

Emotional support

First, normalize your young adult’s struggle by acknowledging the realistic challenge of launching into adulthood. Many young adults feel inadequate when facing obstacles, not realizing these experiences are universal. Try discussing how you will continue to be there for your child once they have moved out on their own. Some young adults incorrectly believe that once they move out asking for help means they’re a “failure.” By letting your young adult know they can rely on you for advice and help once they move out may come as a big relief to them and give them the confidence to take the next step.

Financial support

Financial support is an area that can be quite tricky. Most parents want their young adult to become financially independent yet send mixed messages about expectations. Whether or not your young adult lives at home, it is important for parents to establish clear boundaries regarding financial support. If you provide monetary assistance, it is critical that you set specific parameters and timelines, such as I will give you X amount of money per month for X number of months. This clarity prevents dependency while still offering a safety net during transitional periods. 

At the same time, parents can help their young adult develop a budget and manage their money. Where most parents run into trouble is not letting their young adult experience the negative natural consequences of poorly managing their money. It’s so hard to watch your child suffer, but young adults learn best through experience. Also, when your child successfully manages a tough situation, it gives them confidence for the future. 

So, for example, if your child lives at home and runs out of gas money before their next paycheck, offer to pay for their public transportation to and from work. Or if they live on their own and run out of money for food, invite them over for a meal. In these ways, your child is experiencing the natural consequence of their spending choices, and you are appropriately supporting them.

Respecting Autonomy

Try offering practical support without solving your young adult’s problems for them. Parents are key in guiding their young adult children on learning life skills like cooking, home/car maintenance, and healthcare navigation. The trick is to provide guidance and allow them to complete the tasks on their own. 

Respecting autonomy in decision-making is easier said than done. Resisting the urge to offer unsolicited advice about career choice and relationships can be a challenge for parents. Instead, try asking open-ended questions that help the young adult clarify their own values and goals. Try asking questions such as “What do you like about him/her?” or “What do you like about your job?”

What am I contributing to the situation?

Self-reflection is really important (and hard!). Reflecting on your own attitude about adulthood and the way you communicate with your young adult may give you some ideas about how to be more successful in helping your child launch. 

Asking yourself questions such as –

“Can I be more encouraging?”

 “Am I providing an example of happy adulthood they can model?”

“Am I inadvertently sending messages that I worry about their ability to succeed on their own?”

Finally, recognize that your relationship is evolving. Cultivate adult-to-adult interactions based on mutual respect rather than parent-child dynamics. This shift creates space for your young adult child to fully embrace their independence while maintaining a supportive emotional connection to you.

Conclusion

Autonomy for adult children represents a crucial developmental milestone beneficial to both generations. When adult children establish their independence, they develop essential life skills and self-confidence that cannot be gained through continued dependency. They learn to trust their judgment, solve problems creatively, and build resilience through facing life’s challenges directly. Psychological research consistently shows that autonomy correlates with better mental health outcomes. 

Ultimately, autonomy prepares adult children for inevitable life transitions. When parents eventually age or pass away, independent adults can continue thriving rather than feeling suddenly abandoned without guidance.

We can help

If you are struggling to support your adult child, we can help. Mount Vernon Family Therapy is a well-established practice in Alexandria with over 15 years of providing therapy to our community. Our experienced therapists at Mount Vernon Therapy are trained in a range of services tailored to meet the needs of diverse families, couples, and individuals. Whether through in-person sessions or online therapy, we provide flexible scheduling and personalized care to help families and individuals navigate their challenges.

To learn about how individual therapy, family therapy, or parent coaching can be helpful call us at 703-768-6240